I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am . - Chasing Dragons
haha had thing song stuck in my head for God knows what reason!
Woke up to the most satisfied food cravings I can ever ask for. Ranging from the burger dad got from the famous Ipoh stall near the Maybank at Ipoh Padang up to the random decision of making brownies at the wee hours just cause we could not sleep with my younger sister..
Well truth be told, we intended to make a molten dark chocolate baby sized cake. but then we realize we were missing a few ingredients and so we decided to modify the things Nigella said and it turned up to be like brownies! SO in conclusion, when you lack the basic things you need to get what you want, dont give up just yet! Use the things you have with you and you'll be surprised with what other greater things you can achieve :D and in our case, the most sinful Belgian Cashew Nuts Brownies
And my laptop speed has been incredible! Dad had it reformatted - smtg i am utterly grateful for!So here I am keeping up to my word that I will blog more often ( or more like I need to get these thoughts out my system ) so here goes
Met a patient in the Ortho department that day. He was 83 with an above knee amputation of his right lower limb- otherwise a healthy man. I asked him about his limb, quick to judge that it probably was due to a diabetic foot complication. Was I surprised to learn that it was because he lost his limb in the war those days and not due to neglect from a metabolic condition.
That's when it hit me. We are often quick to judge the people around us based on what we see ( or chose to see) and what little we know and then we stick to it. But truth be told, unless you approach the person and ask them their story first hand, you'll never get the whole picture.
Embarrassed, I admitted what my first impression was to him. It was then he asked me "You should ask yourself, what do people think about you when they look at you?"
And so i've decided to try it out for myself - to take a look at my life from a 3rd person point of view. Of course it would have been cool if i could get an out of body experience to see it for real.. instead i have decided to ask the people around me!
The comments i've received was from many different ends
One half said I was a quiet, nerdy, religious, traditional chess player who people are afraid to approach cause of the serious look i wear on all too often.
And then other half thinks i'm an idiotic, talkative, crazy retard that loves music and singing that does the most random things. -of course they did not mention that the singing was horrible for courtesy sake
And another half that thinks i'm a pampered child, and that i have everything in my life coming all too easily. LOL
And another half that thinks that Im a sucker for romance and another half that thinks I have no interests in anything thats not academic related!
And another half thinks i'm approachable and ever so helpful with uttermost confidence.
And another half that thinks i'm Shy and quiet while another bunch thinks i dont breathe in between words i speak!
And another half that thinks i'm broken and that i have no interests in relationships and that i'm going to end up a spinster someday later in life
*i have created too many halves!*
And i secretly know that there's this bunch of people who thinks that Ishouldnotspeakoutwhensomeonedoessomethignwrong - something i can't and will never change under all circumstances that is,,
And of course, recently I've been associated with the dead (zombies to be specific) and also Food. ermm yea..Food and Zombies.. Something i deduced myself from repeated mentioning in conversations - altho i honestly hope its not due to the darkening eye circles i now have!
So its true I guess. People would look at a you from their point of view and no matter what you do or say there's no controlling it. You can be a sweetheart to someone and you can be a devil to another. And the worse part of it all is that you can't change it. No matter how charming you are and how fiercely you show your caring side, you cannot change everyone's impression on yourself into what you want it to be. In the end, people will only chose to speak what they see ( or chose to see..)
And then back to the gentleman in the clinics, he asked me a 2nd question after my first answer : What do you think of yourself?
Of course i burst laughing and told him to tell more stories on his war!( More like I needed more time reflecting on what he said)
As for what I think of it all,,
I've been good.. Not holy,, just good.
I been doing what I should , altho there's a whole list of things that I WANT to do.
And i am ever so thankful for all the different impressions i have managed to create cause who the #%*# can come up with soo many different personalities? HAH
*And I know that there are people standing there waiting for me to take it on back the other road. But I've lived this way for the past years (this multiple personalities - incomprehensible if you so must say) and God forbid that things will change - imagine trying to please everyone so that people will look at me with what I want them to see! PRETENDING YOU'RE A PLEASANT PERSON ALL DAY IS EXHAUSTING! period.
Cause in the end what matters is what good you have done for others -'impressions' people have/had of you will one by one vanish the same.
It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am*
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