Cupcakes - turns out right the 2nd time!

Drafted on 15.08.2013 2.00am
I'm trying to type it out at this ungodly hour. There. I have 3 drafted posts which i am yet to complete but tonight this has to go up.
I have never had so many pending posts - I dont know if its the lack of ideas or its cause i got distracted with something more interesting to do. I AM BACK HOME AFTER ALL :D

Speaking of distraction 2 nights ago i ws distracted by a pic of the red velvet cake. since i was free at home i decided to try it out. It was tried out by my friends and they assured me the recipe was BULLETPROOF. But then again its baking.. Not everything turns out the way we want it to be (unless of course you're Buddy from The Cake Boss).
 My cake color was not turning red despite me adding the coloring. I was beginning to think it was a jinx thing since i was somesort of betraying? my love for choc cakes for the first time and going for something not brown.

 The Cake right out of the oven - notice that evil smiling face it came out with? Pfftt

so yeah in the end it was a chocolate looking cake that tasted like red velvet but with a much stronger coffee flavor to it. i was about to abandon the cream cheese frosting when my mom who was an angel of a lady told me to use diff colours instead of the plain cream cheese frosting - so there.

 not exactly my best looking cake(my sis said it reminded her of some soccer club and some rainforest both at the same time) but still
I have began to envy all those awesome bakers even more day after day.And the urge of getting the red velvet cake would not just go away

 After the colorful cream cheese frosting.

SO i decided to try it out again - but this time, i thought of doing the cupcakes ( cause you know they're prettier and in case it gets burnt it would be less painful throwing out the smaller pieces! )
This time i decided to follow Anna Olson on youtube - it was a recipe for red velvet cake but i separated the batter into the cupcake tray and there! IT WAS FINALLY A SUCCESS!! :D

 The next would be to try out the molten chocolate cupcakes!

There. I guess when you want something really badly you would do everything possible to get to it. Whether its that favorite book series you want to own but you cant afford all 36 sets of them,,,, that person you want to know more,,, that concert you so direly want to go to but can't convince your parents enough,, - we would try to do everything possible to get the things we want.

And as for the person we want, ahhh..
 The kid in me would tell to go all out for it! You may never know how it will end up. After all how long would you rather focus on other people's Kodak moments than make memories of your own!
But of course - first you'll have to see if you have actually found a person worth going all out for annd not to mention there is an extent to it. A restraining order is definitely a hint for you to slow it down.

So there. Things i have learned from this cupcake making experience - 
*Go all out for the things you want even if it turns out horribly the first time. You'll be surprised how things may end up.
*You may follow the guidelines and play according to the rulebook ( or recipe given) but the outcome will be uncertain- all we have to do is wait and hope that it will all turn out right. Even if things get ugly, you can always hide the bruises and the burnt parts -which in my case is overly exaggerated colorful cream cheese frosting :)

FINALLY ONE COMPLETED BLOG POST!!
I should reward myself for this :D

Changing the Already Perfect One?

Drafted 20.05.2013

Cause our net connection on campus is oh so awesome.Hmphh*

*********************************************************************************

And I sit here again to type it all out..

Its been a great day! Just reached home from ipoh this morning and went to the hospital straight – not a very smart move. Started the radiology posting today which made me feel even sleepier! The environment of black and white, cold rooms and uttermost silence. I was literally fighting to keep my eye lids up :/

Ok well not literally fighting I guess.

 

But that’s not the point why im blogging. Had a conversation with someone earlier that brought me to this.

I realize sometimes we so desperately want someone that we’re willing to turn a blind eye to everything else that comes with them. We tend to say, we love them and nothing else matters. We then say “ I am willing to accept them for what they are because I love them”.

Yeah I get it. When it’s going good, it’s going great no? 

You dont see anything except for what is standing in front of you no matter how wrong the signals scream.

 But no one speaks of what comes after. What happens when the lovey dovey span dies off? What happens when things get serious, when you’re seen staring at the same person after many years? Will the same flaws we once shrugged off still be ignored so easily? Will we still be treating them with the same love and respect as what we did in the beginning? Will we be willing enough to accept that same person and all that comes with it, or would we give up halfway? And will all that was filled with love now be filled with spite?

That is when the drama ensues – the blame game starts. We start claiming the person we are staring at has changed. They’re not the same person you once fell in love it. We say they are behaving differently. Funny thing is, it’s the exact same person you’re staring at – just when the heat dies off, you tend to see the person as a whole. The good, the bad, the ugly, the great. 

And then the decision making begins. We try to change the Already PERFECT ONE. And if you can't, you upt and leave. God forbid by then you’re already legalized cause by then the hassle of all paperwork would be a real sucker. 

The truth is, deep down we all have faith that the person will change over time. That our love, if strong enough will bring that person to the right path , or to the path we think is right. (which is another thing I find interesting, how people tend to define a right path). That we will be able to change the person to see the things the way we see them. And when we realize it does not work that way, we leave. Then the blame game continues. If they cant blame the other person, the ultimate blame is placed on Love itself.

Which is funny and sad, cause what started off as a beautiful expression ends up being blamed for being cruel and ugly and sigh. What not.

Don’t get me wrong. It would be great if we can somewhat change a person, to rid them off their addictions or unhealthy practices. To support them and encourage them to strive for things they are more than capable of.  Its just that when it comes to relationships, if you don’t agree to something, why commit to it? The whole thing starts when we refuse to see that bad side and we expect it to disappear once the relationship progresses. What if it does not disappear?? What if it gets worse?? Do you just walk away then? No correction. Is it alright to walk away THEN?

Hmm.There may be many reasons for you to go, but if you just find a reason to stay.If you just get pass that moment. If you learn to accept others for what they are – and accept that you may not be able to change the person you’re looking at, things may just work. Not work, things may just last*. After all, you cant fall in and out of love so easily. Infatuation, yes. But not love.

As for me..ahem*

I wish that was somesort applicable in a way. THEY FART GLITTER AFTER ALL! :D

 blaahh I’m still a big sucker for love. Practicality, yes. But alongside that whole falling in thing. And not those fairytale love like stories – there’s too much drama before they end up happy! I would rather have everything fall into place from the beginning.

*I know what i'm looking for. I just haven't find someone convincing that is worth changing my mind for.  

  

Altho truth be told, it may seem like an uttermost impossible to task to search for such a person! I have waited and waited at times I even scare myself. I have walked away from many opportunities – and I know what I’m missing out on. But I can’t help it. I'd rather things be this way than rushing into a shitty relationship just because society think i should! So yeah :/ I still have friends to keep company no?

Maybe someday when I find someone worth it then who knows? 

 Like Bob Marley once said : THE TRUTH IS, EVERYBODY IS GOING TO HURT YOU; YOU JUST GOTTA FIND THE ONES WORTH SUFFERING FOR.

 

My mind is kinda tender,, and my body is tired. 

Sighh..

Please be kind to me oh new posting.. 

Till here then!

Imagine Dragons and Impressions.

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am . - Chasing Dragons

haha had thing song stuck in my head for God knows what reason!

Woke up to the most satisfied food cravings I can ever ask for. Ranging from the burger dad got from the famous Ipoh stall near the Maybank at Ipoh Padang up to the random decision of making brownies at the wee hours just cause we could not sleep with my younger sister..

Well truth be told, we intended to make a molten dark chocolate baby sized cake. but then we realize we were missing a few ingredients and so we decided to modify the things Nigella said and it turned up to be like brownies! SO in conclusion, when you lack the basic things you need to get what you want, dont give up just yet! Use the things you have with you and you'll be surprised with what other greater things you can achieve :D and in our case, the most sinful Belgian Cashew Nuts Brownies

And my laptop speed has been incredible! Dad had it reformatted - smtg i am utterly grateful for!So here I am keeping up to my word that I will blog more often ( or more like I need to get these thoughts out my system ) so here goes

Met a patient in the Ortho department that day. He was 83 with an above knee amputation of his right lower limb- otherwise a healthy man. I asked him about his limb, quick to judge that it probably was due to a diabetic foot complication. Was I surprised to learn that it was because he lost his limb in the war those days and not due to neglect from a metabolic condition.
That's when it hit me. We are often quick to judge the people around us based on what we see ( or chose to see) and what little we know and then we stick to it. But truth be told, unless you approach the person and ask them their story first hand, you'll never get the whole picture.

Embarrassed, I admitted what my first impression was to him. It was then he asked me "You should ask yourself, what do people think about you when they look at you?"

And so i've decided to try it out for myself - to take a look at my life from a 3rd person point of view. Of course it would have been cool if i could get an out of body experience to see it for real.. instead i have decided to ask the people around me!
 The comments i've received was from many different ends

One half said I was a quiet, nerdy, religious, traditional chess player who people are afraid to approach cause of the serious look i wear on all too often.

And then other half thinks i'm an idiotic, talkative, crazy retard that loves music and singing that does the most random things. -of course they did not mention that the singing was horrible for courtesy sake

And another half that thinks i'm a pampered child, and that i have everything in my life coming all too easily. LOL

And another half that thinks that Im a sucker for romance and another half that thinks I have no interests in anything thats not academic related!

And another half thinks i'm approachable and ever so helpful with uttermost confidence. 

And another half that thinks i'm Shy and quiet while another bunch thinks i dont breathe in between words i speak!

And another half that thinks i'm broken and that i have no interests in relationships and that i'm going to end up a spinster someday later in life

*i have created too many halves!*

And i secretly know that there's this bunch of people who thinks that Ishouldnotspeakoutwhensomeonedoessomethignwrong - something i can't and will never change under all circumstances that is,,

And of course, recently I've been associated with the dead (zombies to be specific) and also Food. ermm yea..Food and Zombies.. Something i deduced myself from repeated mentioning in conversations - altho i honestly hope its not due to the darkening eye circles i now have!

So its true I guess. People would look at a you from their point of view and no matter what you do or say there's no controlling it. You can be a sweetheart to someone and you can be a devil to another. And the worse part of it all is that you can't change it. No matter how charming you are and how fiercely you show your caring side, you cannot change everyone's impression on yourself into what you want it to be. In the end, people will only chose to speak what they see ( or chose to see..)

And then back to the gentleman in the clinics, he asked me a 2nd question after my first answer : What do you think of yourself?

Of course i burst laughing and told him to tell more stories on his war!( More like I needed more time reflecting on what he said)

As for what I think of it all,, 

I've been good.. Not holy,, just good.
I been doing what I should , altho there's a whole list of things that I WANT to do.
And i am ever so thankful for all the different impressions i have managed to create cause who the #%*# can come up with soo many different personalities? HAH
*And I know that there are people standing there waiting for me to take it on back the other road. But I've lived this way for the past years (this multiple personalities - incomprehensible if you so must say) and God forbid that things will change - imagine trying to please everyone so that people will look at me with what I want them to see! PRETENDING YOU'RE A PLEASANT PERSON ALL DAY IS EXHAUSTING! period.



Cause in the end what matters is what good you have done for others -'impressions' people have/had of you will one by one vanish the same.

It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am*

Quasimodo- 2013 1st post! :)

Sigh

Noticed i started the previous with a SHOOT ME instruction for blogging after so long.
Yet now, its the 2nd time around and using that phrase to start it off seems awkward..

I know im supposed to be asleep but found myself with racing thoughts. In the midst of on calls and hospital teachings and what not. And then in the morning I find myself scaring myself off with the progressive darkening magic circles around my eyes and at night i keep waking up thinking of events that took place during the day.. pathetic aint it?

was reading back my old posts from the old blog http://theunwrittenindeh.blogspot.com/ which i ever so dearly miss so much


I wish I could shut my mind from speaking to me when I'm about to sleep.
I wish I could go to Egypt someday(especially after today's Dr Ihab farewell presentation)
I wish it would rain more in SP but only when im indoors
I wish I was like Sheldon Cooper minus awkward social skills
I wish home was not so far away so I can always see my mom when I want to
I wish I spent more time learning to play a proper musical instrument
 I wish I continued blogging and not left in the first place...*

 lol yea the last one was probably the one thing I had throughout the other wishes. It got kinda complicated when people began to associate themselves with whatever I wrote. So much that things got escalated and fell out of hands. Garhh its sad aint it? when we have to be so careful of the things we say just in case we get misunderstood somewhere in between..

but i guess its about time i start again before the monologue i have daily gets the better half of me 

So here goes..

Remember this guy?

QUASIMODO from the Hunchback of Notre-Dame :)

Its actually a novel published in 1831 and there was a cartoon made based on it. was definitely one of my ALL TIME FAVOURITE DISNEY CHARACTER!
if you havent watched it try googling it - its basically about this deformed hunchback who is the bell ringer of this place Notre Dame. Its a sad depressing beginning as his life is basically ruled and controlled by this evil man in the weird black dress..? (whose name I cant seem to recall). what intrigued me most when I was younger was the fact that despite his limitation in appearance as well as lack of freedom he still managed to make the best out of whatever he had :) from making carved wooden dolls and buildings to his 3 Gargoyle friends that kept him company ( of course that was before i was introduced to the term auditory and visual hallucinations) 
Altho i must say i preferred the Disney ending to that movie. the original plot includes Esmeralda getting hanged to death  -followed by Quasi killing his 'master' and then decides to stay with Esmeralda's corpse and dies of starvation eventually..

yea.. Disney ending was def better..

the reason why I'm mentioning him? Cause i finally learned what he actually had! Officially into the 2nd week of Ortho and was talking to someone with chronic backache and spine deformity when i came across this..

The hunchback is actually a type of spinal deformity : Kyphosis- a posterior convexity of the spine. It simple terms it somesort of gives the back a bowing like appearance..smtg like a slouching posture. Most of the cases are mild and only require monitoring,, but the more complicated cases usually do not respond well to conservative treatment thus the surgery option is the way out.

was kinda surprised when  I realize that there are many people with kyphosis - some of course had the same name calling experience that Quasi did..

There an attached link to the full article : 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1205777/Girl-dubbed-Hunchback-Notre-Dame-walks-tall-operation-adds-inches-height.htmlGirl dubbed Hunchback of Notre Dame

And im tired..
Annd i'll regret not trying to sleep early tonight in the morning tmrw..
Annnd like always its an abrupt ending to a post again..
Dang..


*Hmm maybe the reason I stopped was cause I had no time in the first place..
Or maybe my monologues are so fascinating that I decided to keep em up instead..
::God I know the voice in my head is not real but I swear our conversations are more interesting than the conversations held with actual people :D



There. Just to end it : I wish people could read minds and that people with kyphosis would not need to go through a tormenting name calling childhood for smtg they are not responsible for in the first place :/

2012 update

SHOOT ME



the last i updated this blog was on Sept 2011 last year..


so much for progressing on with a new blog eh?


well aherm



a HELL LOT has changed since i last came here!


year 3 has been pretty much hectic. hospitals in the morning,, classes in the afternoon, and if you're unlucky enough, you've got oncall till 10.00pm at night. ( which is not very fun all the time trust me)


so far we've finished :

1. MEDICINE POSTING

2. SURGICAL POSTING

3.COMMUNITY MEDICINE POSTING (errm,, i'll put pics up instead of writtinng what we did)

4.. and now : Obs and Gynae posting


in the beggining i was so convinced that the medical posting was the best. DOnt get me wrong,, it was A LOOOTT to read but i found it very challenging and most of the time the diagnosis is staring right at your face. Of course,, not everytime you can come up with smtg brilliant like Dr House ( altho at times i try my level best to pretend to cook up a brilliant diagnosis only to be wrong most of the time). the lcturers there were not as dreadful in that posting. The hospital staff were nice ( most of them did not intefere much with what we were doing) unless of course you encounter the legendary Dr S.

moving on,, SURGICAL posting was sooo fun!!! ..




yeah right..




everyday was like a hide and seek routine for us. the female ward was a dreadful place to visit ( those in the posting would understand why). there were so many strict people with so many diff needs and wants!! plus initially i did not get to focus much on the cases i was clerking as we had to prepare for our 1st CA which included ALL subjects..


i also had my first experience in the OT there :D

towards the last 2 weeks however i began to enjoy the posting more ( maybe cause that was when i started reaaading more) . even the scary doctors did not seem that dreadful anymore...




yea right..


seeing them in the lobby itself to date is enough to give me palpitations..


and now we're in obg.. aka the LEGENDARY MOST SPOKEN OF POSTING WHERE EVERY STUDENT CONVINCES YOU THAT THERE IS NOTHING MUCH TO STUDY AND WHEN MOST FEMALE STUDENTS START DECIDING ON THEIR PREFERRED FUTURE DELIVERY CHOICES..


so far,, i've had the experience in the opt theatre for OBG. it was 2 cesearean delivery.

not wanting to sound all too dramatic but i found myself with moist eyes when the child was brought out :) it was simply simply beautiful. i would be ruining the perfect moment if i attempt to describe it with words here.. ( orr the truth being my eyelids a dropping and i'm a little too tired to type it all out? :D )


annd i've also had my first oncall in the labour room and saw 4 vaginal births and 3 episiotomy ( out of which 2 had no prior ansthsia :S)

so ya.. in my dictionary : MOTHERS ARE THE NEW SUPERHEOES. not superman,, or spiderman, or whatever man superheroes homosapiens created to cover the statement above.

altho i dont know if WONDER WOMAN can make the superhero cut since she's female,, but i've never heard of any episode which involves labour or episiotomy :S


so there you have it. my life to date


other that that,, life is pretty much the same..


lonely at times and the rest just keeps going :)


I AM A BLESSED CHILD (so i shall not complain about anyting tonight.)

till next time!!

I'm Moving On.

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons

Finally content with a past I regret

I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness

For once I'm at peace with myself

I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long

I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces

Each one is different but they're always the same

They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it

They'll never allow me to change

But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me

And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone

There comes a time in everyone's life

Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road

For now,, I'm moving on.

6 Steps Guide to BadMouth Someone

My 2nd post in a day! This seems like a good start eh?

Okie. I’m sure some point in life we’ve had this experience of being badmouthed by someone we know (be it friends, family, relatives, teachers, neighbours,) or best yet, bad mouthed by someone we don’t even know.

Ahem* Don’t tell me you’ve never experienced it before!

No matter how much of an angel you are you’re def bound to be shit talked by someone out there.

My mistake. Lemme rephrase that.

The more of an angel you are the MORE you will be bound to be shit talked about people out there.

Anyways coming back to the post,,,

Firstly, I am not to be held responsible if anything unexpected occurs between the steps below. In other words : BADMOUTH AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Before proceeding to step 1, kindly ensure you’ve got a wagging tongue ( and you're good to go) as this is the fastest means of finishing this course successfully.

Step 1 :

Identify the specimen you chose to bad mouth about. Be it friends, family, relatives, teachers, spouse, neighbours, or best yet,, bad mouth someone you don’t even know.

Step 2 :

Observe the person ( specimen if you wish) greatest trait or character ( one that everyone seems to praise or one that anyone else might get attracted to) and make mental notes of it. Also note for any other outstanding traits like loud voice, weird hairstyle ( not necessarily weird, as long as it does not fit your taste if eligible enough), enormous head, body odour, handsome boyfriend or anything else that you think might make it easier for carrying out step 3.

· Step 2 might be hard if you personally don’t know the person. If you have no source of gossip I suggest you revert to step 1 and identify a new specimen.




· Although you’ve got a gold fish memory ( of 3 secs mind you) I strongly suggest you do not make any attempts of making visible notes using ink and paper as this might get you into serious trouble with the specimen you’re targeting at. Also, do not make and attempts of tattooing details onto your body like Ghajni as this might get u into even more serious trouble with everyone else.

Step 3 :

Get a friend, family, relative, teacher, spouse, neighbour or even someone you don’t know ( the social network or blog is a best place to start) or anyone else that might share the same hate/interest/love for gossip as you.
It is preferable if you chose someone with a big mouth ( literally) as this will help to fasten the bad mouthing procedure and will ensure you have less repetition work to do to get the word around.

· Do not choose a pet for this step although you both may share the same interests and likings and although it may have a big mouth.
Unless of course your pet cat can have visible bubble thoughts like Garfield then kindly proceed to step 4.




Step 4 : Beginning the Bad Mouthing.

As contradicting to the fact that we all know, ( in case you don’t know that gossiping should be done in private areas so as to prevent anyone from suspecting your misfit), in my opinion, I strongly suggest bad mouthing should be done in open public places. I know I know, ‘ what if someone hears me’? It’s a 50 50 risk you’re taking here in this step. In a crowded noisy place your voice will be more likely to be drowned out by the voices of others thus making it easier for you to get the word across.
Do not attempt to whisper as this will gain more attention to you. Also, if your specimen is present in your field of vision, DO NOT look/point/smirk/ make a nasty gesture while passing your comment to the person chosen in step 3 ( no matter how tempting this may be). If you are capable of portraying a parkisonian face ( mask face like appearance) it would be more beneficial for this step.

· Although certain places may be crowded, please kindly ensure it is noisy at the same time. Just because your school library is crowded doesn’t mean you can bad mouth someone there without whispering. You probably will be kicked out by the guard and have a very own gossip rolling about yourself.

Step 5 :

Always always start your gossip with these following statements :
· You know smtg, I don’t like talkin about people but ......
· Someone told me the other day that....
· I want to share with you something but I really need you to keep this a secret, the other day...
· Did you hear? That day...
· OMG you have to know this!!...
· The other day I heard someone saying..

*KIV : the ‘someone’ that you are referring to does not need to be existing or have a name. If it is insisted upon by the person chosen in step 3 to identify the ‘ someone’ you heard the gossip from, use the gold fish memory statement : I DONT REMEMBER, BUT SOMEONE TOLD ME.

You see most gossips starts with a ‘someone’ of no origin so do not bother the hassle of identifying the someone.
Also, if the person chosen in step 3 keeps insisting on you to identify the ‘someone’ even after the gold fish statement you made, kindly restart the step 3 as this indicates that you have a chosen a wrong candidate to help pass the gossip on.

Step 6 :

Try to avoid the person you have chosen in step 3 for sometime ( a few hours would do). This is to avoid of any chances of being caught or being identified by your specimen. Do not respond to anyone else that approaches you to confirm the statement you spread other than the person you have chosen in step no 3.

However, kindly remember that this is a futile act as no matter how well or secretly you gossip about someone, you will be caught one day. Also kindly take note ( this time with ink and paper if you wish) that if you start a gossip, be aware that you will be likely spontaneously creating a chain of gossip of your own name)'



So there you have it. You 6 steps guide to bad mouthing someone.

Lol I sound like a professional eh?

I guess I may have had some personal experience of my own ( not an experience of writing a ‘how to gossip article’) but rather an experience of being talked bad about. It was a harsh experience you bet I still managed to catch the culprit who started all of it first. ( More like culprits’ cause based on my prev procedure, you need more den 1 wagging tongue, no?) So I began cooking up how a procedure would sound like ( if they had one) on how to bad mouth someone.

So there you have it :)

p.s. All statement made in this post has no relevance to anyone alive or dead and anything similar is simply a pure coincidence.

Next post : HOW TO REACT WHEN SOMEONE BAD MOUTHS YOU :D