Why So Anxious? 0_o

Today I had an amusing conversation with someone. The summary :
"Inder, I am so anxious of everything. I'm afraid im never going to find someone for myself. I dont think i have the right job. I  I've got to make this life make sense. I am literally wasting my life away and I cant do anything about it"

What i thought at that very moment was simple.

Then when i got home (when the late wisdom came in ) He was not going insane. He was anxious.

Anxiety.
Spun so carelessly people dont know what it means anymore


TAKEN FROM THE CANADIAN CPG OF PSY;

Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by various combinations of key features—excessive anxiety, fear, worry, avoidance, and compulsive rituals—that are associated with impaired functioning or significant distress 
Others will present with sleeplessness, vague pains, headache, dizziness, stomach upset, or other somatic symptoms. Complaints of loss of concentration, tiredness, and reduced effectiveness in routine
tasks may also be prominent symptoms.

Of course. There are a few more criteria that will turn Anxiety into a disorder that requires medication (but i will not be speaking on that or this will turn into a PSY lecture)

I used to be very anxious person. I am capable of thinking all the worse case scenarios that can happen. Whether it comes down to driving on the road or meeting someone new (Dont even get me started on exams) I realize when there was something bothering me I try to occupy myself with other tasks.

Aggression seeped in when speaking to people around me who i do not want to hurt so I preferred to isolate myself. 
I ate badly, either consuming too much or too little. This goes on till i get exhausted, up to the point where i could not care less of the outcome of the thing i have been so worried about.

I refused to believe i was anxious for no reason.

How can u tell a student not to feel anxious before an exam?
He has trained and waited for this very moment. It can go both ways. He has given his best yet all his efforts can be proven to be in vain
 (the very reason i get irked when someone sends me the Keep Calm memes during exams)

 How i usually read that as

All these is because of one thing :

I want to control the Future.
I want to know what is going to happen next, I need the assurance.
I want the Outcome to be what is best for me, the way i want it.

And so, i ruin the present day feeling anxious about tomorrow, unknowingly burning bridges with people around me :)

Sometimes u just have to let go you know, believe there is a Higher Being looking out for you, wanting the best outcome, whether or not it goes the way we planned. Just do your best and believe the outcomes is what was meant to be.

You cant master anxiety. We were born with it.
What you can do is learn to live with it. Its not easy but just as we have learned to live with rain and storm this too shall pass with time.
And as feeling anxious of never finding someone to grow old with, just stop. Let things be the way it is. You will see in time feeling anxious will not bring the person any closer or sooner.


It is so hard to tell your passionate heart to be still, to have faith, free of tension and fear
Dont let anxiety enslave you. Dont waste your life away worrying.

The Pain of Being Single (A Reply Post)

My older post from theunwrittenindeh.blogspot.com



woke up to the feeling of hunger this morning at a sickening time :(

recently i've found this addiction to Micheal Bubble (youtube his songs if u dno him)
more like since i heard his song Beyond the sea.

well anyways i was going thru another fren's blog when i read this : The pain of being single

LOL

wat a topic to start ur day wif no?

lemme start up with my own version of this.

Lets see..there are many types of em(singles) around.

the ones that got depressed and opted to be single.
the ones that were to fussy and choosy that no one met up tot heir expctations.
the i dun care if im single ones.



the ones who are still searching and hoping.
the ones who are still searching And hoping secretly.
the ones who thinks its okie cause its not the right age yet.
the ones who hook up and break up at lightning speed that somehow their life falls into the single category somesort.



the ones who do not even notice the opp gender except for their own.
the ones that Pretends to be single while they're secretly oogling over the another kid.
the ones that have a r'ship wif Chaudrasia n Guyton instead of smtg ahem* a lil more real..

in the beginning i must say i fell into one of the categories above. I've been disappointed before but it's no suprise cause not everything lasts forever i suppose. Ive just been ignoring this fact of life for so long that ive lost track of time.
since then ive talked myself in,, ive talked myself out of this having faith coming up with a million excuses and cons all the time.

And no, dun confuse me to have found someone either. I sudd have my wrecked mind thinking on the reasons why some people are so sked to be lonely and out of a r'ship. i mean it used to feel diff last time for me but now i somehow can hardly be botherd by any of these. like for some people the min they're single,, their brains goes on a man/woman hunt searching if the person fits their Dream Checklist and what not almost instantly like instead of falling in love,, it seem more like *Forcing their way into love just to fill the void in their life.seem so familiar ryte? But ever asked Why?..

i guess the ans to that is simple : Insecurity :)

the fear of remaining lonely and having meals wif a plant on the table( A very depressing scene form the movie : RED),,
the fear of never getting married,,
the fear of being left out while all your frens are busy wif their significant half,,
fear of not fitting in,,
fear of being the outkast on Valentines
fear of not feeling love and experiencing this reli Great things u see in movies and songs,,
fear of ahem* dying a virgin for some,,
and the fear list goes on and on

but den again we're humans. we were created with such emotions. the reli great ones tend to have a relationship with God instead to fill this lonely side of their life. A majority of em however then to rely on something more physical and homosapien like in nature.



the reason : Simple. We just wna find someone to share smtg wif be it happy or sad times to not feel so lonely. it cud be anyone1 just as long as u get to have a conversation wif em or have a chance to say : hey u noe wht hppned,, dotdotdotdotdot or share emotions or the ability to call someone as Mine* and to share the feelings,, or for some,, to fulfill their personal satisfaction.




also most of us tend to assume that being in a r'ship is the source of uttermost happiness :) if u look at it,, its not quite true most of the time. the mistake we do is that we tend to somehow place our happiness in other people's hand the min we get into a r'ship (which results in a high incidence of disappointment which follows up wif a malignant hate). why rely on someone else to get u gifts and love notes when u can do it ursewf?

yeahh i noe.. kinda make sense..no point relying on your other half to make u happy all the time.. somehow yet knowing this here i am falling into the not so odd thinking of the people which is to assume for someone to come along and be my get-away-car to some happy dreamylike paradise and make me feel happy*

the thing i find funny is when people tell me this : i plan to fall in love when im at __ age and so on.
heck this thing has a mind of its own!! no one can bloody plan it. it just happens*
to the most random and unexpected people.
to the ones u once tawt i wud NEVER.
to the person next door or next to you in class




its worse then rocket science cause thru out years and centuries this is the one thing everyone keeps revolving around.


like they say , once in a while in an almost ordinary life,, love comes along and gives us a fairytale.


As for me,, I'm happy with the way things are in my life right now and i wudnt wanna change it all so fast. Maybe someday later it'll turn out right but im not searching nor am i anticipating for it..

It's gonna be half timing and the other half luck (maybe a lil effort as well! lol) Like Michael Buble once said : Whenever its right, you'll come out of nowhre and into my life.

For now,, My life is Perfect. Maybe someday later perhaps...?
I know I just havent met you yet :)

Great hotel and Even Better Company! (Year 4 holidays)

***drafted on 26.08.2013***

And I’m back! :D

Was on my 4^th year break for the past 1 month. Initially I had HUGE plans on all the places where i should go, things I should do, non-educational books I should read, and of course, the dance classes I ever so dearly wanted to take but never had the time attend.

But in the end, it was the same old same old holidays inder always had.

Hmm.. I can’t blame anyone on it. Both my sisters are pregnant and will be due soon! My selfish self would of course demand to be brought out and around- but honestly I would rather spend time with them back home (cause deep down I know when my finals year resumes, the working life would creep in and things then would not be any prettier) 

My dad insisted we came down to KL for the holidays. We could not decide on the date when to go cause all my friends there are working me being the unemployed student has to deal with each and everyone’s schedule! So we chose the same date that Suk Wai had to meet with the Kenny Rodgers people to sign her agreement. MY STURNIP IS FINALLY GOING TO START WORKING!!

We left early Thursday morning and I must say our rapid buses has always been very entertaining.  I met a snoring champion en route.  We could literally hear this man’s snoring through my earphones which was hilarious! 

We went on to Midvalley and Times square where i met some of the funniest friends.  Am glad we managed to meet although it was a last minute invitation thing on my side.

After such a heavy breakfast I swore I was not gonna have lunch but then the I saw Carl’s Jr – and the migratory motor complexes made such dramatic waves in my stomach that I felt like I had space for burger for lunch! 

If there is anything I realize during the whole time was this – often we tend to rely on the insights and opinions of others on how things are. It is not wrong to ask someone about it- it sort of gives you a rough idea on what’s it like.

But then at times we rely too much on what others say that we have so high expectations on how things are – expectations so high then when faced with the real deal, we are left disappointed.

Signature Dessert from Black Ball

I used to be such a big fan of Black Ball – they have the best jelly desserts that I find myself addicted to! And each time I went there, my friends who lived in KL would say – Inder, you have not tried Snowflake yet. So when I would step into blackball, I used to wonder what Snowflake would be like.  And this went on and on till that very day. 

And was I disappointed. 

I don’t know what was so great about this – this dessert that people spoke so highly of. I had to painstakingly swallow through it cause I din wanna seem like I’m sort of this fussy child when it came to food :/ but I learnt my lesson. Reviews are good to listen to, but you should not judge something without experiencing it yourself firsthand. It will be unfair that you rely on someone's opinion and draw a conclusion on how things are without experiencing it yourself.

The seemingly disappointing dessert from Snowflakes.

Then there was this GREAT GREAT hotel that we stayed in! :D

We stayed at the Best Western Premier Dua Sentral Hotel (which is a mouthful to pronounce!) I could not get it right the first few times I tried to mention it. 

The view from the 16^th floor that we were staying in was simply breathtaking (which is ironic considering we were in the middle of town). I mean I never used to like KL. Everything is grey and white and tall and concrete. If there was a zombie apocalypse I swear it would be the worse place to blend in with nature. But the view from my room window made me think otherwise. I think KL has the prettiest lights when night falls! The whole entire night I could not stop humming the song Bright Lights by Matchbox 20 for this.

The view from the 16th floor Best Western Premier Dua Sentral Hotel -Night

The view from the 16th floor Best Western Premier Dua Sentral Hotel -Day

 We wanted to head out for dinner but dad insisted we tried the food they had there. I was reluctant cause hotel food to me is this – very fancily decorated and named but so very bland in taste.  Plus one of the taxi driver from the hotel told us that Brickfields had some really good indian Cuisine. And was I proven wrong! The entrée was simply delicious! Of course there was the fancy names and all but the waitress was very kind to recommend the dishes and was very honest with their opinions on how the meal tasted like.

Baba Ganoush - Puree of oven baked Aubergine and Sesame Seed Paste

Dining right by the poolside!

My mom and dad

Tanen and I

Suk wai and I

 The ambience was calm and relaxing (and romantic if you must say) – yet there we were, in the middle of KL Sentral. I must say, the BWPDKL is recommended to everyone who needs  a getaway in the midst of all hectic schedules – and in my case, if your parents are sponsoring of course. 

 

The price may seem a bit far off for students but if you look at the whole picture – easy transportation by the hotel taxi at the lobby, in the middle of the important places in KL, easy internet access, really good and delicious buffet, it kinda sums up to the same thing. Plus the people there are ever so polite and they make you feel like a boss!  Great!

Breakfast from the Kembali Kitchen

Here, i finally discovered that pancakes with peanut butter+ maple syrup+ pistachios is HEAVEN!!

Finally a place I can recommend to my lecturers and seniors without hesitation. I was tempted to prolong my stay there but i had commitments back home( the cholesterol check thing i volunteered for).

 I would return here again.

 I think I found my favorite place.

There it is.

Sigh

I wish i was given the chance to travel the world. Our schedules are so messed up that booking the flight tickets in advance has always been a risk. Plus finding a companion to go traveling with Is insane. Everyone is so busy with  their lives that finding time when others are free is even harder than funding the trip itself.

 I guess i will just have to wait till the working life creeps in for this. For now, im glad to have spent time with all the precious people to me :)

Draft No 5 : Cause They Make My Day

Here goes the 3rd blogpost in this week!
ahh i meant to keep this post for a longer time to add in more but that would make it the 5th draft i have saved and i have nothing to say dont want the numbers to keep adding up :/


John mayer once sang : Say what you need to say( and repeated it a whole 40 times throughout his song)And so i thought it would be ideal to do what he told me to - to say what i needed to say



Such a horrible opening..

HAH!The very sign i am out of words for this post even at the very beginning!)
 
There are so many people i should write about, so many people i need to thank, so many people who thought me the little things - the many diff patients who thought me things in the hospital, the random people you meet in your daily life and even those few who have stood by me, shared the experience, and then left to other places. I see the images and the memories but putting them all in here would be impossible!

So I decided to do this instead - Say what i needed to say to those people that are special and rare/ that i frequently speak to/ and that for beyond reason i need to say this to :D
  

#S.TURNIP

The most annoying, straightforward, outstanding, person i have ever met. From being such a childish person to a grown up lady who does not take any bullshit from anyone - I am learning so much from you :) You made me learn that we are our biggest critics and that i should accept myself for what i am.
Yet, you are the person i am most childish and serious with at the same time.

 You are about to graduate and you made it against all odds while not depending on anyone! ( whatever happened to the 'dunge dunge dunge' lady?) Although at times your straightforwardness may put you in tight situations - remember at times its always easier to ignore than to speak up!
You are responsible, independent and if there is but anyone else i swear - you inspire me kawan! You are a great person, and I am truly blessed to have you walk in my path :) 

 
 You are going to make it BIG. Just wait and watch!!
 

#TWEETY
It may surprise you a little to see your name up here ( well technically not your name) but you are one of those few people that i will not forget for a LONG TIME! From understanding my 'love' with maths and allowing me to copy your maths homework back in school to being the kindest person that you are (not forgetting the sarcasm with SexyMamaTan)

 I hope you find someone that shares your honesty and love for food - and at the same time graduate without all those hurdles! Go ace those papers and i wanna see you graduate like a boss ;)

#3 HITAM KUNING

Ahh where shall i begin. You are the slowest person when it comes to sarcasm yet your thinking is so much more mature than the others of our age! How do you manage to fool people out there i have no idea.

 

I admire your belief, your strong faith, your ability to calculate birthdays so quickly, and your willpower to wait for the right thing even if it means waiting for a LONG TIME! I am amused at your taste for old ancient songs (the kind they play at funerals) but you still don't bother of what's "in" and do just what you want. 
You panic at the smallest thing yet when it comes to all the major stressful situations, you're the person i go to- and i love you for it!! 

Such a rare person that upholds the importance of family. You just have to learn to be street smart cause its going to be tough surviving out there.

You're my ah ma ma after all ;)

 

#JOHHNY BRAVO 

 
Well lets see. I have known you for the shortest period compared to all other names up here! But i guess you deserve a spot ( just like the feminine color your name has..ahem*) You are one of those unexpected people whose conversations i never thought i would enjoy. (They are the most random and funny conversations - the very thing i need to keep me sane after a shitty day!) So, thank you!

 
You're smart, witty, so full of yourself, and brags about how awesome you are at all times - yet i dont find myself wanting to kill you. Or it should be not wanting to kill you -yet. If they make a cartoon series of you it would be just like this :

You're confident,,, yet scared? at the same time - but you're great at masking things and your thoughts- which is intriguing. You put up a playful- ignorant- cool front, yet you are a sensible matured child who is sensitive and and knows what he wants.
 You're a nice kid ( not as GREAT as i am of course) or at least the distance has made me to believe that  - Let others around you know more about yourself and they will come to know how amazing you are!
I sincerely hope you realize there can only be one great person great things will come your way someday boss :) 
Seriously.


P.s. Go ahead and gloat about this now.

#PAPOI

We met in the most miserable way! haha from an awkward weird breakfast conversation about religious symbols with a stranger to being what we are now.

 You sing along to life even when it is not your favorite song. Its tough having to deal with cancer, an ass and studies all at the same time. But you're doing it just right. I understand your fear and your worries but all these things will end soon. You just need to have faith* (and maybe learn to accept others for what they are and what they believe in! :D) Maybe you will have more people to learn from that way

 
# MOUSEHUNTER
You put up a confident front but i guess those who know you will know better. From having to worry of not finding the right one to being able to bounce back every time things ended up horribly. 

You're so easy going in all stressful situations and take everything so lightly. YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT PERSON WHEN IT COMES TO TRAVELING! What would i ever do without you? ( more of where would i end up lost without you??)
You're great listener (and a great workout motivator). wait for what you want and dont settle for anything less!

 

#ICANTTHINKOFWHATTOADDHERE

YOU ARE SUCH A GREAT PERSON.

The end.
  

haha i wish it was that easy! From being there from the first day (and still being there for me throughout!)
I saw you change from being a nutwreck- freaking out at the slightest remark and exam to a complete responsible person. You are so pampered and loved (which i envy- especially the extra attention and food part!) but you deserve it. You have faced so many things after all :) You proved that people like us can finish this whole thing although we're facing against the odds from the very beginning. I think they can make a soap opera telling people of what your story was like! Do what you want to do in life or else you're eventually going to be forced to spend time in a life that you dont want. Be the happy person that you are. Hoping to see you real soon!!!

There. Finally done with another post! i still have an article to complete by this weekend. I am so proud of myself. I should shoot myself. 

STOP PROCRASTINATING INDEH!!!

Owh well...

Mixed Feelings

My 2nd post of the night
I must be on a roll today!

i've spent hours watching Ellen on youtube after dinner with the family! HER VIDEOS ARE CONTAGIOUS! once you start there's no stopping at all! she is so natural you can't help but love her :)

just hours ago i completed the draft i made last week - on cupcakes and not chasing the things that you want.
Chasing the things you want..

Chasing the things you want.....

What if we're chasing the wrong things?
What if we're chasing something that we will not own? Or that something that will be impossible to achieve?
What if we're chasing something that is worth much less than what we're losing in between? -like our time and attention?


do we still not give up and chase after it or do we stop and leave cause its the better thing to do?

Hmm..

What iffs...

All i need to know is if it will be worth it and i will give all that i have into it..
For now I guess its time to surrender. Sometimes there's no use in pretending and trying when your gut tells you its not worth it. I keep telling myself this.. 

I dont want to make a mistake.
But i am afraid if i keep holding back i would never get what i am looking for

If only making decisions was easy..